Car Trips and Character Judgments

For most of the country, the trees haven’t had leaves for months, the old snow is black and dirty, the grass is dead and, I don’t know about you, but I am really tired of freezing my bumper off!

But, the light at the end of a very long tunnel of hope is in sight. The days are getting a little longer, football season is over, and I think the best way to get to the finish line of a long winter is to start making plans for the warm, long, sunny days ahead.

I haven’t really been a “ROAD TRIP!!!” kinda gal since before my children learned how to talk. But, now that they are grown and have other people with whom to share every single thing that comes to their mind, I am seriously reconsidering the concept.

It seems clear to me that the two most important decisions to be made about a long car ride are 1. what you will listen to while driving, and 2. what snacks to take along.  I’ve inadvertently become fascinated with people’s choices about these two things, and have decided that a lot can be deduced about a person based on their answers. So began my complex, scientifically-sound study.

I asked my husband, mom, son, daughter, ex-husband, best friend, business partner and a random LinkedIn connection: if they could only choose ONE cd and ONE snack for a long car trip, what would they be? A few of the answers were predictable, some were surprising, and others were flat-out disturbing.

My random LinkedIn connection said he would listen to a biography of the life of Winston Churchill. I don’t even think we got to the snack part because, nothing worth eating pairs well with that answer.

My mom’s answers were “Sirius radio and trail mix.” I didn’t realize she had such severe commitment issues. I pointed out to her that she had kind of missed the point of the exercise. She said that if she were with me, she would listen to anything I chose. So, I am assigning her the podcast “My Dad Wrote A Porno.” If you haven’t heard it, it is hysterically disturbing and entertaining. A guy and his two besties read aloud a chapter at a time of the cringe-worthy, pornographic book his father wrote. It is lol funny in a skeezy way—Enjoy! You’re welcome.

Ironically, my ex chose the soundtrack from Purple Rain, which I love. But, his answer brought me back to the summer of ‘84 and a college road-trip…a 20+ hour road trip! Just prior to the trip, we had seen Purple Rain in the movie theater and  immediately purchased the soundtrack cassette tape—dating myself, yes I know.

Anyhoo, I loved this tape! We listened to it over and over, mile after mile. After about 10 hours, he pulled it out of the tape deck and held it out of the sunroof, teasing that he was going to drop it so he did not have to listen to it anymore. I told him his short little life would be over if he did and, from the corner of my eye saw that the cassette had been unwinding down the highway and the tape was trailing and flapping behind us like a sad, black ribbon of loss. So, no way does he get to choose Purple Rain! He owes me Purple Rain!

My husband’s answers were the most disturbing of all. He said Les Mis and…wait for it…you ready?…dehydrated apples. WTF? I mean, I love Les Mis, but what kind of monster would choose dehydrated apples from all the snack choices in the world? I am sad to admit that we have had a serious setback in our relationship, but are seeing a therapist twice a week and trying to somehow move forward.

As part of our therapy, we’re going to take a road trip together. He can bring Les Mis and I have chosen a 70’s mix with a little Run DMC, Salt-n-Pepa, Sugarhill Gang, Earth, Wind & Fire, Tone Loc, and Midnight Star. Ooooo, I am gonna be singing and jumping around like one of those crazy older ladies at a Bar Mitzvah when she hears her favorite song.

We will NOT be bringing dehydrated apples. We will have kettle corn and crunchy cheetohs like normal people!

What would you choose? Let us know in the comments section below.





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2018‐10‐08 02:30PM MST